On Jealousy
I'll admit it: jealousy has been a huge problem for me growing up. Ever since I could think for myself, dream about what I want, choose my own path, and earn my own money, I've struggled with it.
Maybe it's my ego, selfishness, or just my competitive nature driving me to be better than everyone else.
I've tried many solutions:
1. "You can't judge a fish by its ability to fly."
I used to calm myself down by thinking, "I'm better at x, they're better at y, and that's okay." I can't excel at everything.
But when I stepped out of my bubble, I realized being the best in one field is possible, but not easy and much more nuanced.
Soon, I found myself beating myself up again, trying to be better than everyone.
2. "You can't cherry-pick qualities."
This was a better approach, but still not perfect. Let me explain:
When comparing yourself to someone, compare everything, not just the good parts.
If I compare myself to a man earning 2 lakhs a month while I'm still studying, it seems like a big problem. But if you consider that he's living away from home, unable to spend time with his family, it puts things in perspective.
That way, I used to make myself feel better. If they're winning somewhere, I'm winning somewhere else.
However this approach fell short when I realized my wins were becoming more and more niche. There's always someone better than me somewhere with some rare situations where I have found a few individuals with everything sorted.
3. "Everyone has their own timeline"
This became my go-to solution and go-to advice because everyone deals with jealousy (i hope so)
I'd think, "He's 26, earning 40 lakhs, that's like 4 years ahead."
It worked well until I became a chronic Twitter user where I saw 19-year-olds raising money from Sam Altman, 21-year-olds on Nikhil Kamath's podcast, and 16-year-old overachievers talking about moving to SF for better opportunities.
4. "Life is not a zero-sum game"
I don't fully agree with this statement. Sorry, Naval fanboys. Here's the thing:
Yes, life is not a zero-sum game, but only after you've built a great reputation, earned a lot of money, or left the rat race.
For most 22-year-olds in India fighting to get 5 lakhs more on our CTCs, playing zero-sum games is possible, but only to an extent that doesn't hurt our professional goals. And sooner or later, Life becomes a mix of zero-sum and positive-sum games.
5. "There's a difference between envy and jealousy"
This is just a fancy way of saying the same thing.
It all happened because of a YouTube video with no person, just audio, trying to convince me to be envious and take inspiration rather than being jealous and burning up inside.
It felt good, like I had figured out life. But a year later, I still don't feel like I can be more inspired when everyone around me seems to be doing better. How much should I keep getting inspired?
But yeah, I never thought I had tried so many ways to solve this problem. It's a big one.
I'm sure there are many like me out there. I hope some of these methods work for you, even if only for a few months. Give it a try and let me know.
Until next time, I'm just a boy trying to figure out "what the fuck just happened" in my life and trying to be better.
Signing off.